Cyclical Celestial Mechanics: Drought 2014

I can’t entirely hate on start-ups, but I hold absolutely nothing but pure disdain in my heart for start-ups with no firm foundation. Such a start-up would be The Climate Corporation; they’re a company based out of that high-tech Disneyland known as Silicon Valley. The “scientists” (and yes, the label is intentionally being implied loosely here) seem like the kind of “scientists” employed at The Climate Corporation apparently are no different than your below-average collective fans of “Sheldon” that occasionally gather together as a group at some random Meetup event at a junior college or at the local movie theater in anticipation of seeing some standard nerd-fare rather than actual scientists that aren’t caught up in “big data” dumb shit. And that’s exactly what’s the big catch with The Climate Corporation–“big data” dumb shit. The folks at The Climate Corporation would be better off evaluating the FDA’s statements about Lexapro than falsely engaging use of “computational science” in efforts of “insuring” farmers that help’s just around the corner in case of the onset of drought. Ladies and gentlemen [and asshat “scientists”], that’s the key word for this blog post: drought.

It’s that dryness, mawfuckas. Coming soon to a region near you.

Do know that real science isn’t dead; it’s just in an isolated, dead-state. Real science is a task done for a purpose; the science that’s filtered down to the kids and the rest of us worldly heathens riddles the human mind with so much filth it parallels Jimmy Carter experiencing being haunted by a ghostly apparition of a dismayed Carl Sagan screaming at him about not doing anything in regards to global warming. The majority of the articles being pumped out by “scientific” outlets today leaves me wondering why none of the readers that took the time to skim them and comment on them did not consider watching Discovery while holding a loaded gun to the right side of their heads afterwards. For them, pulling the trigger would have been beneficial–for me, at least–since it would have left me with an aire of lesser confusion–I would no longer be plagued by the musings of morons, comic-book-in-hand predicate losers, post-Camp Brainwash wunderkinds, social abaittoirs, know-it-all-about-absolutely-nothing rat eaters from India and subscribers to double standards. The song-and-dance routine that we get from the many faces of “big data” in conjunction with its authentic absurdity sticking out like a sore, psychological thumb grows tiresome as years pass by. How many start-ups are based exclusively on “big data”? Answer: I lost count back in 2009. What is so special about venture capitalists pouring vast sums of money into the black hole known as “big data”? Is it the answer that pseudo-scientists truly seek? Or, is this a more well-structured, recreational way of duping the younger generations into getting them interested in a “science that’s not science“?

With that said, I’m curious (nh) as to why machine learning hasn’t been applied in the manner of granting the general public with a comprehensive introduction to the subject matter of celestial mechanics. I’ll do you all a favor and draw the connection between celestial mechanics (as it partly relates to how Earth “functions”) and our favorite word of the day, drought. For those of you interested in “things cyclical“, there is a phenomenon that occurs every 83-to-87 years in the United States that can be traced back to the first Roanoke colony; actually, the first three Roanoke colonies. There occurred a major drought that affected what is now the Southeast and Atlantic Coast states that began in 1595 and lasted through 1604 for about nine years. The next time this phenomenon would occur was in 1679 and was both a drought and part of the mini-Ice Age that left the ground frozen so hard in New England that colonial farmers there couldn’t till the land until the ground thawed in late June–and they had as little as six weeks to plow the ground and till because that was the length of the growing season. There were near-famine conditions in the Colonies. This was a real drought that didn’t end until 1688, which is exactly nine years from when it started (1679).

83 years later (from 1679) it happened again in 1762 and lasts through August 1771 [once again, nine years]. The Atlantic Coast states is ground zero for this particular drought (mostly Virginia, North Carolina, Pennsylvania and New York). This drought wreaked havoc on crops the likes of: cotton, tobacco, corn, wheat and beans and caused hell on the shipments of the aforementioned crops to Great Britain, leaving Great Britain with nothing to sell on the world market, so they’re left with no other choice but to impose taxes and starts to tax the living hell out of the Colonies as a result of the train wreck left by the cyclical drought. So now (or then, rather), you have the formation of the Stamp Act and then the Stamp Act Congress and that ultimately leads to the Boston Tea Party which leads to the Declaration of Independence. Farmers, who were desperate for ways to keep from going bankrupt, agreed to give their crops “on credit“–to the Continental Congress–who would then promptly default on all debts which left the farmers with nothing. If you were a farmer that had no choice but to suffer through nine years of severe drought (by way of celestial mechanics) and as soon as your crops began to grow again, the King taxes you to death, even before your crops start to grow back to full yields–and then when you’re finally back to full yields of crops, you [the farmer] think that you can sell your crops “on credit” to the Continental Congress who then leaves your ass shafted (no homo @ “leaves your ass shafted“) with massive debt. But hey, don’t forget about the folks that had the audacity to levy more taxes on those poor farmers during the time of the Articles of Confederation which inevitably led to the Whiskey Rebellion, Shay’s Rebellion and other rebellions that none of you reading this are aware of because to those that stand on the opposite side of the argument, to them, it wouldn’t be “American” in their eyes to speak of those lesser known rebellions.

84 years later, in 1846 (from 1762), in the Southeast particularly, it’s drought time–with this one lasting through 1855 [that’s nine years, playa]…and the South is getting hammered, big time (nh). The North begins price gouging the South for food-stuffs and in response to that, the South starts selling cotton to Great Britain in exchange for cheaper food–but please realize that the greedy mawfuckas in the Northern states continued to price gouge the South–intentionally–so they (the North) decidely rammed through export tariffs to force the South to buy price-gouged food from the North. Ain’t that something? And what became of all of that? Answer: The Civil War.

Another 84 years pass, guess what? The year’s 1930 (April 1930, to be exact)–and there’s a drought–that lasts for nine years. It stops raining in the Plain states and it doesn’t rain again until June 1939. Documentary-style film director, Ken Burns, produced some dumb shit called, The Dust Bowl: An Illustrated History, which is really accusatory and stylized (in my opinion) since it’s directly pointing the finger of blame at humans, making it seem as if the Dust Bowl was a “man-made disaster“. No Kenny, no boyfriend–we humans had no hand in the celestial mechanics game of kicking up dust ’round town, girrrrrl.

So, from 1930, that would mean that the next cycle of a drought lasting nine years is going to occur between 2014 and 2017–for certain, which brings me to my point about “big data”, computer models, software that’s programmed to lie, statistical manipulation; “big data” is utilized by “scientists” to force nonsense on people to believe what they [those asshat “scientists”] want you all to believe. Please understand that I’m not knocking computer science, it’s just the way that it’s used that I’m concerned about entirely. If I, Desmond, knew that the tools that I use to do calculations; to construct data models; perform simulations with and so forth, were manipulated in a manner in which the data that I draw my conclusions from skews that data, then I wouldn’t be forthright with the information that derived from that data–and how could I be forthright since the data is no longer reliable?. In other words, I wouldn’t be a scientist—no, no, no, not in the slightest sense–instead, I would be a charlatan huckster, a soothsayer–a downright, punk-ass liar. All of these “big data” start-ups representing a massively coerced misdirection of capital into a sector of the economy that is grotesquely inefficient and highly overcapitalized and for that, people will be punished severely–economically speaking.

Oh, and for those of you in the dark in regards to any “credibility” posed by “scientists” that rely on computer/data models and simulation, please know that those are entirely hypothetical/theoretical. To better convey the point I’m making about “scientific reliance” on computer modeling and simulation, back in the 1960s, the Atomic Energy Commission [along with congressional approval] studied the feasibility of enhanced radiation weapons–nuclear weapons with an output tailored to neutrons, gamma rays and X-rays. Though they [scientists and nuclear engineers] studied and researched such weaponry, they never actually designed, built or tested the weapons (with the exception of neutron warheads)–it was all done via computer modeling. Needless to say, the gamma ray and X-ray enhanced radiation weaponry were deemed to be of no value but the neutron weapon was of considerable value which is why Congress approved funding to design and develop the neutron warhead. See, that is the function of computer modeling and simulation; all it does is give a hypothetical view of the output from the seemingly plausible input–it doesn’t guarantee that the hypothetical/theoretical output constitutes an absolute reality. In regards to evidence of the 83-87 year celestial mechanics cycle in relation to drought, a World’s Almanac is more sufficient in data than computer models, simulations and “big data” when it comes to predictions pertaining to the nine-year cycle of drought(s) occurring regionally in the United States, but I hope that doesn’t eat away at the hearts of your more revered “scientists”. This act of celestial mechanics is a true phenomenon because no one (not even me) can pinpoint an exact cause as to why this span of a nine-year drought occurs in the United States; it just does.

I’m more than certain that this blog post will have the folks over at the Planetary Society laughin’–on the outside–because deep-down in their heart of hearts they’re crying like the ho-ass cowards they truly are. Relying on bad science [i.e., computer models/simulations] is proof-positive that the term “scientist” has been downplayed to the point where it’s meaningless–no definition to the term whatsoever. Whether the nine-year drought occurs next year, 2015, 2016, 2017 or some time later, this blog post will serve as a beacon because every single person living today will be coming to view this blog post–a blog post the forewarned E V E R Y O N E of the forthcoming circumstances that lie before them; so there are no excuses as to why the scientific community isn’t pushing this to the forefront of everyone’s attention.

-Desmond (DTO™)


Desmond J. Watson is a Co-Founder and the Chief Executive Officer of Hexagon Lavish®, an antiartificial scientific R&D start-up that specializes in informational interpretation software development and unique IR techniques. He also manages the blog, Arheliean. You can follow him on Twitter, @RealOnanel. If you're rich and want to invest in Hexagon Lavish®, then do so.


  • Hi there, of course this paragraph is really pleasant and I have learned lot of things from it concerning blogging.


    • Thank you for taking the time to read. As far as to which “paragraph” that grabbed your attention the most, in particular, I don’t know but I appreciate you for showing an admiration for the blog post. Take care.



  • Well I got here long enough to read one angry, condescending, hypocritical, ignorant post. Can’t see me coming back.

    Oh P.s. I met a bunch of the folks from the Climate Corporation (in Seattle). They impressed me as being more credible than you seem in this post, and I certainly didn’t see any reason for you to shit on them.


    • First of all, let me just say that you were your mother’s only regretted pregnancy and I bet that bitch probably looks like Master Splinter wit’ big titties and a fat ass. Now that’s what I call “condescending“.

      Secondly, how on Earth–this Earth–Planet Earth–are a “bunch of the folks” you met at The Climate Corporation “more credible” than me when I’m the one giving you historically-proven references of a cyclical phenomenon that occurs every 83-to-87 years that causes a lasting nine-year drought in various regions of the United States [a real drought, not these so-called “droughts” those asshat “scientists” you amorously idolize, pin as a beacon of “climate change”] in addition to me telling you of what’s to come in the near future? Can you answer that question, Andy? Can you answer it, girrrrl?

      The climate change-whores at The Climate Corporation are not scientists; rather they’re a bunch of cartilage-cranium cowards; groups comprised of charlatan hucksters; a collective of Leprechaun-looking mawfuckas that run simulations through supercomputers and play with expensive software [that’s programmed on the assumption that “global warming/climate change” is real] all day, all week, all month long and still they can’t even amount to the expertise that you see here on “Yeah, Man…”.

      Care to elaborate on your ignorant use of the word “hypocritical“? To me, I would think that hypocritical would fall in line with someone perpetrating to be a scientist, tasked with guarding the truth about what’s really going on with Planet Earth [ask the folks you know at The Climate Corporation to explain to you what the term “Interglacial Warming Period” means; when they make it known to you that they don’t know what the term means, you’re more than welcome to come here and ask me since I know what the term means], yet that same person willing participates in The Lie™, perpetuating a falsehood (i.e., continues to work at an establishment while-in-the-know that what they’re doing “for a living” is wrong) that gradually leaves people believing in something that’s unreal–and anything that’s unreal does not exist. So you see, believing in a falsehood, knowing that it [“global warming/climate change”] is a falsehood and to have a willingness to participate in the falsehood is what we humans here on Earth–Planet Earth–call being hypocritical; and not only is it hypocritical, it’s also immoral. A lot of mawfuckas are immoral and don’t even know it. Have you ever had a job working in customer service? You do realize that convincing someone to buy something that they really do not need is immoral, right?

      The same rule applies with all of this “big data” dumb shit. If you’re a software engineer and you’re applying machine learning/NLP or what have you to something that is practical, then all the more power to you because you’re doing something that will benefit the average layperson. On the other hand, for [that] someone [said charlatan huckster of a scientist] to “mean well” is not enough, especially when the majority of the general public is so scientifically illiterate they’ll just run with whatever some “scientist” [or some article in The New York Times] says. That’s a prelude to nothing but absolute harm; no one benefits from that. If you can’t comprehend what I’m conveying here then perhaps you’d be better off holding hands with a “bunch of the folks” you “met” from The Climate Corporation and skip through the woodsy areas of Seattle and leave real science to people that know what they’re talking about, Andy.

      Speaking of Seattle, I recently had a phone screening with Atigeo‘s “principal engineer”, Gunjan Gupta, who used to work at The Climate Corporation himself. He’s a know-it-all rat-eater. I don’t like the guy.

      I also don’t like you. You come-off like a eunuch that has to use tweezers whenever he urinates because the thought of having to touch his own atrophied genitals leaves him petrified. I bet you’re terrified of butterflies as well. You’re a vagina that wantonly bleeds on the pant leg of an unbreakable institution. I highly recommend testosterone injections, playa. I bet you consider saving your toenail clippings in a junk drawer as part of your “science experiment” in which you hope to later demonstrate your toenail clippings’ flexibility and durability relative to fingernails. You’ll probably try to “model” that in Excel, too.

      Can’t see me coming back“? I see you coming back, we all see you coming back. You’re a fiend for my aura, killah.



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    • Grace,

      I would definitely start with WordPress. I’m comfortable with its platform, more so since I had a “free” blog years ago on MySpace. Adopting to WordPress does take some time but if your end-goal is to have a simple approach, then WordPress will work best for you.



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    • It would be absolutely beneficial if people were able to see the blog for what it is the way you do. Thank you!



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