Chronicles of The Great, Global Bitch-Boy Smackdown Pt. 1: John Rampton, Entrepreneur ‘Ragazine’ and A Masochistic Perspective

Last month (September 2014), an acquaintance of mine sent me a link via e-mail to an article written in Sensual Pillow-Biter Monthly aka Entrepreneur magazine…well, actually it was posted on the online version of the “ragazine” (that’s right, I typed “ragazine”). The article was penned by “entrepreneur” (snicker) and “investor” (snicker), John Rampton. The title to the article is/was “25 Reason Why I Will Not Invest In Your Startup”. Now, we all know by now that “investors” (read: venture capitalists) are realistically shriveled-up prunes; morons with money; self-important punks beyond reproach…and would-be entrepreneurs aka young folk who feel that they’re entitled to everything, worship these motherfuckers as if every single word that the electrons in their mouths have patterned into speech that flows outward is something to rejoice over. Personally, I’ve yet to hear anything from Mark Cuban, the other “sharks”, John Rampton, Fred Destin, Marc Andreessen, Chamath (HEY CHAMATH! HEY GIRRRRL!), or whoever that can be utilized as needful advice on how to get to Point A and go to Point B in a disciplined manner that a true, struggling entrepreneur can take heed. I’ll get to that later on.

Now, for someone to come out with twenty-five reasons as to why they would not invest in a startup, to me, that just spells out laziness, ineptitude and disinterest. Let’s put the emphasis on disinterest because that’s basically what it all falls down to, yet, I will admit that Mr. Rampton had some points that were well stated in his rant such as when he referenced startups should have a successful crowdfunding campaign but exactly when did having a successful crowdfunding campaign become a metric by which it can be determined how successful a startup will be–in the long run. HL had a Kickstarter poppin’ off–and we ended up with just $20.00. Now, that $20.00 signifies that HL is capable of “breaking the ice”, meaning that the startup succeeded in convincing someone in purchasing our product (PIR). Speaking of Kickstarter and all of these other crowdfunding platforms, during the time it took me to put together the Kickstarter campaign for HL, I took my time to glance over some of the more successful campaigns and took notice that quite a few of them had to have had prior funding afforded to them because there’s no way that any of those campaigns would have been able to pay for the quality videos displayed on their profiles without some sort of prior funding; no way any of those campaigns would have been able to pay for the PR they were getting from media outlets such as TechCrunch, Mashable, Engadget and so many others; no way would they have been able to afford the costs of materials needed for the development of their products without some sort of prior funding. They received money from somewhere prior to jumping on the crowdfunding bandwagon–and for what reason specifically? Because, if HL had acquired capital [in the form of cash and credit, particularly], and already had PIR or any other research project in the works, then why would I find a need to resort to crowdfunding? It takes money to make money. Looks as if that disagreeable, solipsistic, annoying excuse for a human being Mr. Rampton didn’t get the memo.

Bitch-made excuses from pedestrian “investors” (snicker) come a dime-a-dozen. Another one of those excuses from the mouth of Mr. Rampton is the known fact that venture capitalists invest in people. This, I find puzzling because if venture capitalists invest in people–then why haven’t any investors grown an interest in me? I created the foundation for PIR; I’m putting together a team of the most intelligent and well-mannered engineers, scientists, programmers and mathematicians; I’m attracting the best there is in scientific R&D; I embarrassed every single member of the National Society of Black Physicists back in 2012; I’ve cracked on the legacy of Carl Sagan; I even made the offer for any scientist to accept my challenge and debate me on “things scientific” and not one person has stepped up to the plate ever since. So, if there’s any one individual that an investor can be confident with their investing, it’s definitely me–more than anyone else. With that said, I have to impose this puzzling question: why do those like John Rampton and his ilk continue to throw money away investing in people who do not exemplify the characteristics of the struggling entrepreneur? This is where Sensual Pillow-Biter Monthly aka Entrepreneur “ragazine” comes into play here. Recently, I had subscribed to the aforementioned “ragazine” and figured that I would gather resourceful information in regards to furthering the development of HL. So far, I’m being proved the exact opposite of that supposed expectation. As I have already stated earlier, I’m trying to get to Point A so I can be on my way to reaching Point B. In this case, with Entrepreneur, the irony isn’t delicious; rather, it’s repulsive. There aren’t any references to the struggling entrepreneur. Instead, I find myself reading articles on entrepreneurs that have been engaged in entrepreneurship for the last thirty or so years. Sir Richard Branson gets the honorable mention and so do many easily recognizable names in business today. In fact, Sir Branson graces the cover of October’s issue of Entrepreneur–with that damn smirk on his face. For real, he looks like someone who touches himself while perusing through photos of JonBenet Ramsey. In truth, Entrepreneur seems like the publication that appeals more to the upper-middle class type; the kind of person who would normally occupy their precious time warbling arrhythmic goth suicide poetry and writing love letters of four elements-enthusiasm to Ben Horowitz, a well-known “Silly Coon Valley” Silicon Valley venture capitalist/aspiring Cypress Hill roadie. The two issues I have so far state nann thing for the struggling entrepreneur, and, if you ask me, the “ragazine” virtually can kill-by-design any one person’s ambition to obtain their very own definition of “success”. It’s practically a road map that will lead you to nowhere.

John Rampton is a young guy; he doesn’t necessarily give off the vibes of someone whom you would typically assume as a professional investor. In other words, he doesn’t look like your average resolute polio survivor or someone who was lucky enough to make it out of Auschwitz alive. Nevertheless, he’s still a weirdo who comes off a tad bit acerbic and somewhat bitter in his approach at ascertaining the needs of startups all around. NEWSFLASH: We’re not all on that “high-tech” tip. However, Mr. Rampton ain’t the only game in town–and by town, I’m referring to “Silly Coon Valley” Silicon Valley. The high-minded guild of the money-grubbers reside and/or flock there and I don’t necessarily hold any direct grudge against any of them–with the exception of Sierra Ventures–but I can’t go without speaking on the horrid and reckless abandonment of deserved attention that should be focused on evolving the amount of surplus labor this country has towards entering the 5th-level economy known as R&D, pure R&D. I have stated this several times before, but the United States was supposed to have entered its 5th-level economy back in the mid-1990s, but that didn’t happen. Instead, you have this full-circle focus on the stagnating 4th-level economy, which is technology–and I blame the bald eagles of investment (venture capitalists) for this. Capital (all forms of capital, that is) cannot be in two places at the same time. You cannot invest in “technology” (snicker) and [pure] R&D simultaneously; you have to choose one or the other. I prefer an investor that realizes this economical truth, seeing how that particular investor is wary to the affirmation of the necessary and eventful progression into the 5th-level economy and how this startup represents that need. For those of you who fall under the umbrella of the “struggling entrepreneur”, you’re not alone, but it would serve you well to familiarize yourself with the reason (singular) why being a good liar is one of the high-quality characteristics of a venture capitalist.

Understand the practice of the fallacy of lying; it becomes openly apparent whenever one of them takes the time out of their busy schedules to respond to the e-mail you sent them on a Friday night. Take for instance, one response I received from Canaan Partners’ Roseanne Wincek. I chose her out of several other investors that work for the same aforementioned firm since she supposedly possesses a degree in biophysics and figured she’d be interested in HL since biophysics is an essential part of the company’s initial research project, PIR. My estimation was on the wrong side of the tracks and I was derailed by what seemed to be a case of disinterest, but to me, the disinterest was more personal rather than seeing my longing for venture capital as something that could’ve been essential to Canaan’s portfolio–which brings us to another one of Mr. Rampton’s points…investment criteria.

Investment diarrhea is relative to each VC firm, however, I chose to supplant criteria with diarrhea because most investment criteria is full of that brown stuff. For someone proclaiming to be an “investor” (snicker), I find it to be supremely offensive to take the stance that an aspiring or rather, struggling entrepreneur must have a [business] plan in which showcases that they have acquired all of the “requisite” (snicker) points of the investment criteria. For the struggling entrepreneur, this strategy will not work based on the mere fact that you will have to alter your business plan every single time you submit your plan to a firm. Take note of the tactic at play against you; setting time aside to figure out how to construct your business plan to meet all of the investment criteria at a particular establishment is no different than spending that same about time trying to figure out the next winning lottery ticket. Even if I knew the winning number, and even if I told you, it still wouldn’t do you any good. if you were aware of tomorrow’s winning lottery number, it’s fairly reasonable to assume that everyone else will too, and if everyone picks the same number as you, you are all going to lose. As a science masochist, I may be in violation of one of my own principles but this is one prime example of when I actually prefer a random strategy over perceivable options governed by a deterministic approach.

I’ll simplify that by stating that by doing something completely and entirely random is the best strategy because if you think about what you need or have to do, you’ll come up with the same approach as everyone else that took time to think about what to do–and it’ll always be the wrong approach, especially if it’s laid out for you. For those of you who are real investors, referencing those of you who work on Wall Street, this approach is known to you as index investing. Venture capitalists, on the other hand, aren’t actually real investors; they’re actors portraying the role of “investors” (snicker). A real investor investigates to see what fields generate real economic value. This is something that has to be done on an individual basis, not by means of “groupthink”. This also is advantageous to individual investors as opposed to investment firms (i.e., “groupthink”). 

While it’s still fresh in my mind, let me fall back on business plans for a second. Mr. Rampton made a little “joke” about being too busy to “steal” someone’s business plan that was submitted to him via e-mail. I don’t find it to be funny–at all. Back in early September (2014), I had submitted my business plan to a few venture capital firms located in “Silly Coon Valley” Silicon Valley. In fact, I had submitted my business plan to one firm in particular, called them the nest day to confirm that they had received the plan and was told by an obviously young and inexperienced female administrative assistant that they could not find the e-mail I had sent them no more than ten hours beforehand in their inbox. Those are the type of mawfuckas that get hired to work as “assistants” (snicker) at these VC firms. Now, I’m not stating that my business plan or even the idea behind PIR has been shoved in the face of prominent businessmen [whom they trust] that have the capital (cash, credit, etc.) in order to facilitate the development of PIR (the “allergy app”), but I wouldn’t put the suspicion above them. Regardless, I have no worries because no other entity on Earth, aside from HL, has the brain power to construct scientific software the likes of PIR. Even if they did, what would be the outcome? A shoddy version of PIR? What, are they going to hand my business plan over to some newfangled startup based out of “Silly Coon Valley” Silicon Valley? A startup where know-nothing white kids roam around the office in go-carts all day? I guess, that’s what you morons call “corporate culture”, right?

HL is a direct representation of the 5th-level economy, which is R&D–pure R&D. Explain to me exactly how the fuck can a bunch of lame-brain leftovers who are stuck in “technology” (snicker) compete against or even participate in a 5th-level economical capacity? Is Houdini going to come back from the dead and perform the greatest magic trick ever and transfer the knowledge necessary for the transition from a stagnating 4th-level economy to a 5th-level economy in microsecond precision for the world all over to see? Seriously, how? I know; you’ll assure them with more capital than you’d ever give HL, correct? Sure it is–and for the record, if venture capitalists are concerned about the “burn-rate” of the money they give idiots who are more in-tune with forming their “corporate culture” with go-carts and a $5,000 espresso machine around every corner of their expansive 30,000 sq. ft. office space (you know, “humble beginnings”), then why not actually analyze the nature of a startup instead of just skimming through someone’s executive summary in sixty seconds or less? Whining about rapid “burn-rate” is tantamount to the bad decision you make regarding the startup you chose to invest in, so live with your decision. Social media analysis, mobile marketing, online ad platform development….startups based on the aforementioned are more worthy of an investment over a startup developing scientific informational interpretation software for detection, distinction, analysis and classification? I mean, I’m well-aware that the ill-informed are rewarded for making bad decisions here in the U.S., but c’mon.

Being introduced to investors through an acquaintance that they are comfortable with is the [best] and only sure-fire way of actually meeting a real-life investor. Sitting in front of the computer and firing off e-mail after e-mail after e-mail will get you nowhere, which is why I now shy-away from contacting softcore VCs randomly on social media with the exception of this blog post. “Investors” (snicker) the likes of John Rampton prefer this sort of an introduction to entrepreneurs willing to make unnecessary leaps and bounds just to meet him. I’m not that kind of an entrepreneur. Desperation ain’t my color code of conduct, playa.

Autonomy isn’t foreign to the struggling entrepreneur, but it is for the ones too scared of a struggle. People like to assume that they are more autonomous than they really are, realistically. Also, people often don’t know what they don’t know. This includes investors, and as an example, just ask yourself this one complicated question: anyone seen a 5th-level economy? The answer is transparent, and that answer is, of course not. See, Americans would rather be paid $20/hour working a 2nd or 3rd-level economy job than be paid $65/hour working a 5th-level economy job. This reality is reflected in the decision-making of investors. You can’t transition into the 5th-level economy if you’re investing in 4th-level economic activity [that’s stagnating and has been stagnating since the 1960s]. And since the 5th-level economy is research and development, why do “investors” (snicker) snivel at R&D? Is it because you’re also a part of the current “brain drain” taking place in the U.S.? Explain how useful an MBA is in a 5th-level economy. Are those “skills” transferable? Can an MBA manage hydrocarbons? How about neutrinos? What about quarks, mawfucka? Are you going to “twerk” your way into the 5th-level economy? What “skill” or “talent” (snicker) do you have that can be utilized in scientific R&D? Is “twerking” going to help you develop a non-combustion engine? These are the kind of simple questions “Silly Coon Valley” Silicon Valley types are incapable of answering or even addressing. They can’t even connect the dots. You throw money away on morons that create “corporate culture” around go-carts, espresso machines, video games, “augmented reality” and mild forms of child molestation who refuse to develop useful products relative to a pricing system that reflects economical costs whereby making their products affordable on a global scale, instead of just marketing them to self-entitled, booty-mouthed Americans.

Should I slow down? Am I going too hard, girlfriends? Take my Langian outlook in small doses, if you must. It’s an anachronistic delight, like Hartke on a vibraphone.

Here I am, looking at the problem through a masochist lens: the U.S. government is selling its debt, yet no one wants to buy it. So, what’s the solution? There is evidence that suggest that the U.S. government is buying back its own debt using proxies. At $17.9 trillion, the federal debt is greater than 25% of the world GDP. By the end of this decade, it will far exceed 33%, at which point, you will all begin to see monetary inflation, and what will be the remedy for that? Do you really think that Britain and other States are going to dramatically reduce their standard of living to 3rd world-status just so they’ll be able to buy up U.S. debt? Are you crazy? Think foreign investors are going to come to your rescue? You are all lucky enough to be living in the U.S. and not Iceland, pertaining to hyper-monetary inflation–and for those of you who lack the understanding of the mechanics behind hyper-monetary inflation. Iceland is a closed system, meaning it is monetarily sovereign and only the people of Iceland are the users of their currency. The U.S., in contrast, is an open system, meaning that the U.S. Dollar is sovereign but Americans are not the only users of the U.S. Dollar; the U.S. Dollar is de facto international currency and a de facto international currency of trade. Since this is the case for the U.S., economists do not look at the money supply vs. GDP, rather they look at money supply vs. GDP plus all U.S. Dollar-denominated transactions globally. This is why you must sell your product on a global scale and not just to brainwashed Americans.

Being an investor is “cool” as a Twitter notification; being an investor who understands economics translates into one living in the Real World™. Too bad Mr. Rampton and his ilk live in the Fantasy World™ where America’s “best and brightest” ride off to economical freedom and glory in suped-up go-carts while the other 6.8 billion people on Planet Earth wish for their eternal expulsion from Planet Earth. Mars is looking pretty good right about now, wouldn’t you say? Don’t know how you plan on getting there. Maybe, the Chinese will be nice enough to take you there. You can spend all the time you want fantasizing on Mars. I hear there’s nothing to do there, which will go well with most of you seeing how that’s exactly what Americans do…nothing. You can thank Elon Musk for selling electric cars to the Chinese which in turn convinced them, with an exceeding furor, to hurriedly expedite the fantastic voyage.

Go-carts on Mars, nigga…

Desmond

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